Who doesn’t love time travel? If you don’t, I don’t think you’ll enjoy reading the rest of this so just turn around now. Are they gone? Good, let’s continue. The concept of time travel has existed for centuries portrayed in all the mediums and loved by people the world over. But once we decided it was time to make time travel movies, it was all over but the awesomeness. Here are my five favorites.
1. “Back To The Future” (1985)
This is in reference to the first film of the trilogy. The second one was awful, and the third one was pretty good, but nothing can match the glory of the first. First off, the time travel device is a flux capacitor (whatever that is) in a DeLorean. I could have just watched the DeLorean zip around at 88 M.P.H. for the entire 2 hours of the film. But the story is well worth it. Marty McFly (Michael J. Fox) grabs the time machine created by his friend Doc Brown (Christopher Lloyd) after Brown is shot by Libyan terrorists from whom he stole plutonium… you know what? Let’s skip ahead. Long story short, Marty goes back in time to 1955, where he meets his dad, accidentally prevents his own father from meeting his mom and thus must race against time to get the pair to meet and fall in love so that he can continue existing. A stellar cast (Crispin Glover and Lea Thompson play Marty’s parents) and excellent directing (thanks Robert Zemeckis!) make the movie truly rock.
2. “Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure” (1989)
And you thought Keanu Reeves was great in “The Matrix” movies. Here he plays Ted “Theodore” Logan, whose best friend is Bill S. Preston, Esq. (Alex Winter). The pair is about to fail their history class, not graduate high school and thus be split forever (Ted must go to military school if that is the case). Luckily, Rufus (the late George Carlin) comes to the rescue from the future with a time machine (a phone booth) to solve their problems. You see, future society is based off the teachings of Bill and Ted, and we simply cannot have them break up their friendship. So the two embark on a romp through time in order to craft the greatest history presentation in the history of San Dimas High School! Yes, the plot is a tad ludicrous, but haven’t you always wanted to see Beethoven, Freud, Genghis Khan, Abe Lincoln, Joan Of Arc, Napoleon and Billy the Kid all in the same movie? Of course you have!
3. “Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home” (1986)
For once it paid off to have a series go longer than a trilogy (no offense Indiana Jones but “Crystal Skull” was pretty weak). Following the previous installments (it would take far too long to explain it all), the U.S.S. Enterprise is destroyed, so Capt. Kirk and his loyal crew must make do with a Klingon Bird-Of-Prey for their journey back to Earth from the planet Vulcan. Earth, however, is being punished by a space probe that is trying to communicate with whales (who are now extinct). So our intrepid crew must slingshot themselves around the sun and back in time to 1986 to steal a pair of whales from the Monterey Bay Aquarium as well as steal some nuclear power to make the trip back home. Awesome! Most of the movies fun comes from watching our heroes struggle with the world of the ‘80s. Spock takes out a guy on the bus with a nerve pinch; Chekov keeps calling nuclear vessels “wessels” (Hahahaha! Accents are funny!); Kirk flirts with some marine biologist. Pure bliss.
4. “Time Bandits” (1981)
Terry Gilliam (of Monty Python fame) directed this film about a bunch of time traveling dwarves who zip around stealing artifacts from all throughout time for fun. A young boy joins them as they rob from Napoleon (Ian Holm), Robin Hood (John Cleese) and King Agamemnon (Sean Connery). All this is achieved with the help of a map that shows the time portals of the universe. They stole it from the Supreme Being (Ralph Richardson), who wants it back, as does Evil (personified by David Warner). In the end, though, you just get to enjoy watching six dwarves steal things throughout time for two hours. There isn’t much more enjoyable than that.
5. “The Planet Of The Apes” (1968)
This isn’t quite a time travel movie because the astronauts actually endure the passage of 2006 years in their voyage to “another planet.” Charlton Heston is Taylor, our hero who finds himself on a strange planet that is almost exactly opposite to our own. Monkeys walk upright and speak like humans? Humans are put in cages and can’t speak, like apes? THAT’S CRAZY! The set-up, however, provides Heston (who is almost as manly as Chuck Norris) the chance to utter the immortal line “Take your stinking paws off me, you damn dirty ape!” The apes refuse to believe in evolution (sound familiar?) and think that there is no way in hell that a human could possess a shred of intelligence. I still don’t think we can, but Chuck Heston proves them that we can. SPOILER ALERT: It turns out that it’s been Earth the whole time! I’m sure I just blew somebody’s mind.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Top Five: Superheroes
I apologize to any fans I have (which I believe I can count on both hands) for depriving all of you of my opinions for so many months. I'm trying to get back in the swing of things, so let's hope this is the dawning of a new era.
Superheroes have made a resurgence in recent years, not that they really needed it. People love the concept of extraordinary humans (or other species) kicking ass and taking names in the name of justice. They've been profiled in comic books, cartoons, good movies ("X-Men," "Spider Man 1 & 2," "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: Secret Of The Ooze," "The Dark Knight"), bad movies ("X-Men 3," "Spider Man 3," "TMNT," "Batman & Robin"), novels, merchandise and basically any other form of entertainment you can imagine. Here are the five best.
1. X-Men (Created in 1963 by Stan Lee & Jack Kirby)
Okay, okay, the first one out of the box is not just one superhero. But choosing your favorite X-Men is like choosing your favorite child. The variety of people and powers is far vaster than any other concept. Wolverine, Gambit, Ice Man, Storm, Cyclops, Beast, Colossus, Angel, Beast, Nightcrawler, Rogue, Jean Grey, Professor X, and that’s just the heroes! The main reason the X-Men are so compelling is that until the moment they hit puberty, our heroes are simply normal people. This is the stuff that fuels the dreams of a pre-teen boy like I was. That, and the storylines are more complex and deeply rooted than your average mid-century American novel. The conflict within the X-Men is base on the civil rights movement of the ‘60s, with Professor X representing Martin Luther King, Jr. and his policy of peaceful coexistence, and Magneto as Malcolm X, hawking victory by any means necessary. The story quickly evolved beyond all that, but the core fun is still the same, even after all these years.
2. Spider Man (Created in 1962 by Stan Lee & Mike Ditko)
Bitten by a radioactive spider, Peter Parker became Spider Man early in his life. And continued to KICK ASS for the rest of his life. Spider Man was really one of the first superheroes to bring deep-seeded emotions into its characters. The entire reason Parker chose to fight crime was the death of his uncle at the hands of a criminal (but you’ve all seen the movies). And then you get villains that simply cannot be topped. Venom, perhaps the most exciting villain due to his extreme parity with Spider Man’s powers, is only the tip of the iceberg. Dr. Octopus, Kraven the Hunter, Mysterio, Hobgoblin, Vulture, The Lizard, Sand Man, and the Green Goblin help to round out the crew doing battle with the Webbed One. But in the end, the ability to climb walls, shoot webs and have superior senses puts Spider Man in the upper echelons of heroes.
3. Batman (Created in 1939 by Bob Kane & Bill Finger)
The absolutely best thing about Batman is his total lack of superpowers. The entire basis of Batman’s superhero-ness is his utter discipline and self-restraint. The death of Bruce Wayne’s parents early in his life led him to vow to fight crime no matter where it hid. Little did he know that his vow would require battling psychotics (The Joker, Scarecrow, Two Face, The Riddler, Penguin, Catwoman, etc.) and taking on sidekicks that, while being helpful overall, die just a little too easily (Robin). Batman is also, without a doubt, the darkest, most brooding hero of all time. Despite all the gadgets and flash and show, what Batman comes down to is one man standing against many, and standing alone.
4. Space Ghost (Created in 1966 by Alex Toth)
Yes, he’s an idiot. Or perhaps he’s just your average hero. All that depends on which series you base your view of Space Ghost. Originally a cartoon in the mid-1960s, Space Ghost flies around space, using his power bands to either blow things up, turn invisible or do whatever else the creators needed him to do. However, in the ‘90s Space Ghost got his own talk show, and all hell broke loose. He still had the superpowers, but it seemed like his brain had been removed. Joined by ex-enemies Brak, Zorak and Moltar, Space Ghost interviewed actual people and raised some general hell. In the end, he just wants to be loved, and he’s doing it the only way he knows how. And who doesn't love that?
5. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Created in 1984 by Kevin Eastman & Peter Laird)
Some people will maintain that the TMNT are not actually superheroes. But, I ask, what are they then? I stand by the fact that Leonardo, Donatello, Raphael and Michelangelo are better heroes than a lot of other cats out there. The concept seems to have been derived by some person who was ridiculously high one night, came up with the idea for the show and for some odd reason stuck with it when they were sober the next day. In the end, the Turtles are the most fun-loving, easygoing superheroes in the known universe. That doesn’t mean they don’t kick some major butt. Each one of them is well trained by Splinter the Rat in the art of ninja, and they aren’t afraid to lay some serious hurt down on the evil Shredder. They do so often, and that makes for some quality entertainment.
Superheroes have made a resurgence in recent years, not that they really needed it. People love the concept of extraordinary humans (or other species) kicking ass and taking names in the name of justice. They've been profiled in comic books, cartoons, good movies ("X-Men," "Spider Man 1 & 2," "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: Secret Of The Ooze," "The Dark Knight"), bad movies ("X-Men 3," "Spider Man 3," "TMNT," "Batman & Robin"), novels, merchandise and basically any other form of entertainment you can imagine. Here are the five best.
1. X-Men (Created in 1963 by Stan Lee & Jack Kirby)
Okay, okay, the first one out of the box is not just one superhero. But choosing your favorite X-Men is like choosing your favorite child. The variety of people and powers is far vaster than any other concept. Wolverine, Gambit, Ice Man, Storm, Cyclops, Beast, Colossus, Angel, Beast, Nightcrawler, Rogue, Jean Grey, Professor X, and that’s just the heroes! The main reason the X-Men are so compelling is that until the moment they hit puberty, our heroes are simply normal people. This is the stuff that fuels the dreams of a pre-teen boy like I was. That, and the storylines are more complex and deeply rooted than your average mid-century American novel. The conflict within the X-Men is base on the civil rights movement of the ‘60s, with Professor X representing Martin Luther King, Jr. and his policy of peaceful coexistence, and Magneto as Malcolm X, hawking victory by any means necessary. The story quickly evolved beyond all that, but the core fun is still the same, even after all these years.
2. Spider Man (Created in 1962 by Stan Lee & Mike Ditko)
Bitten by a radioactive spider, Peter Parker became Spider Man early in his life. And continued to KICK ASS for the rest of his life. Spider Man was really one of the first superheroes to bring deep-seeded emotions into its characters. The entire reason Parker chose to fight crime was the death of his uncle at the hands of a criminal (but you’ve all seen the movies). And then you get villains that simply cannot be topped. Venom, perhaps the most exciting villain due to his extreme parity with Spider Man’s powers, is only the tip of the iceberg. Dr. Octopus, Kraven the Hunter, Mysterio, Hobgoblin, Vulture, The Lizard, Sand Man, and the Green Goblin help to round out the crew doing battle with the Webbed One. But in the end, the ability to climb walls, shoot webs and have superior senses puts Spider Man in the upper echelons of heroes.
3. Batman (Created in 1939 by Bob Kane & Bill Finger)
The absolutely best thing about Batman is his total lack of superpowers. The entire basis of Batman’s superhero-ness is his utter discipline and self-restraint. The death of Bruce Wayne’s parents early in his life led him to vow to fight crime no matter where it hid. Little did he know that his vow would require battling psychotics (The Joker, Scarecrow, Two Face, The Riddler, Penguin, Catwoman, etc.) and taking on sidekicks that, while being helpful overall, die just a little too easily (Robin). Batman is also, without a doubt, the darkest, most brooding hero of all time. Despite all the gadgets and flash and show, what Batman comes down to is one man standing against many, and standing alone.
4. Space Ghost (Created in 1966 by Alex Toth)
Yes, he’s an idiot. Or perhaps he’s just your average hero. All that depends on which series you base your view of Space Ghost. Originally a cartoon in the mid-1960s, Space Ghost flies around space, using his power bands to either blow things up, turn invisible or do whatever else the creators needed him to do. However, in the ‘90s Space Ghost got his own talk show, and all hell broke loose. He still had the superpowers, but it seemed like his brain had been removed. Joined by ex-enemies Brak, Zorak and Moltar, Space Ghost interviewed actual people and raised some general hell. In the end, he just wants to be loved, and he’s doing it the only way he knows how. And who doesn't love that?
5. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Created in 1984 by Kevin Eastman & Peter Laird)
Some people will maintain that the TMNT are not actually superheroes. But, I ask, what are they then? I stand by the fact that Leonardo, Donatello, Raphael and Michelangelo are better heroes than a lot of other cats out there. The concept seems to have been derived by some person who was ridiculously high one night, came up with the idea for the show and for some odd reason stuck with it when they were sober the next day. In the end, the Turtles are the most fun-loving, easygoing superheroes in the known universe. That doesn’t mean they don’t kick some major butt. Each one of them is well trained by Splinter the Rat in the art of ninja, and they aren’t afraid to lay some serious hurt down on the evil Shredder. They do so often, and that makes for some quality entertainment.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Top Five: Rolling Stones Songs
First, an apology. It's been about a month and a half since I last made a top five. I've been rather busy, what with school and spring break and forgetting, etc. I feel like I've let people down, but I have no idea how many people actually read these, so perhaps I haven't let anyone down. Regardless, I promise to be more consistent now. I'm sorry.
Last night, I went and saw Martin Scorsese’s concert documentary of the Rolling Stones, “Shine A Light.” The footage was from a two-night event the Stones did back in 2006 as a benefit for fighting global warming. All of that is irrelevant. What Scorsese delivers is not merely another concert doc; rather, it is a religious experience. If anyone has ever questioned why the Rolling Stones, with an average age over 63, are still touring, strap them to a seat, force open their eyes “Clockwork Orange”-style and show this film. Yeah, they’re old, but they rock harder and better than anyone ever has and ever will. Mick, Keith, Ronnie and Charlie are at the top of their game, just like they have been for the past 40-odd years. Here are my five favorites of their catalog.
1. “Gimme Shelter” (1969)
Let’s face it: no Rolling Stones song has the sheer fire in its belly that can match “Gimme Shelter.” Mick and Keith wrote this in a period of time that was utter turmoil for the entire world (Kent State shootings, Vietnam War, poverty, etc.), and the song reveals that. From the eerie guitar and ethereal vocals of the opener to the sheer guitar onslaught of the solo section, “Gimme Shelter” is truly a ballad of the apocalypse. But the Stones are optimistic, and with the help of backup singer Merry Clayton they remind everyone of the power of love. Plus, big props to Martin Scorsese for using this song in basically every film he has ever made.
2. “Jumpin’ Jack Flash” (1968)
The song was inspired by Keith Richard’s gardener, but took on a lift of its own. The lyrics are all about escaping the acid cloud that the Stones had been under for several years, but the song finds its voice in the one-two punch of the guitars of Richards and Ronnie Wood. Its been hailed as one of the greatest guitar songs of all time, with an opening segment that rattles your bones and a riff that comes from the straight from the darkest depths of Richards' brain. That, and the harmonies are almost beyond perfect. It remains a staple of their live concerts to this day.
3. “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction” (1965)
The most definitive riff of all time. I don’t care what you say, Richard’s immortal riff from “Satisfaction” has a more recognizable sound than any other song ever. Richards conceived of the tune in a dream, woke up, recorded it on his tape player and promptly fell back asleep. He felt it wasn’t worth recording, but was outvoted by the other Stones, and it became a single. Jagger’s lyrics are inspired by the Stones’ recent trip to America, where they saw rampant commercialism. “Satisfaction” is a rejection of what the world was trying to force upon the youth, and an acceptance of individual freedom. All under the wing of that riff.
4. “Sympathy For The Devil” (1968)
Did somebody say samba? The Rolling Stones employed that classic rhythm style in their ode to His Satanic Majesty. The song is, in essence, a critique and a reminder of all the violence that has occurred throughout the span of human history. However, the general public, idiots that we are, saw this song as the ultimate sign of devil worship. No matter. This is Jagger’s anthem, and he knows it. Every line is sung/spat with the intensity of the Devil himself, and it ends with a chilling reminder that the devil is waiting for all evil men. It’s haunting, it’s dark, it’s fantastic. Oh, but don’t ever listen to the Guns N’ Roses cover.
5. “Wild Horses” (1971)
“Wild Horses” finds the Rolling Stones at their most emotionally bare moment. Richards wrote the song after having to leave his wife and newborn son to tour. Jagger was able to get inside the song emotionally due to his recent breakup with a long-time girlfriend. In end, the Stones lay their hearts out on the line, something that is quite rare for them. The song resides in the middle ground between country and rock, a place where few can survive, but the Stones excel. Jagger’s voice is bare and honest, trying to reassure those he loves. Let’s face it, the song is beautiful, and I’m getting emotionally worked up just listening to it.
Last night, I went and saw Martin Scorsese’s concert documentary of the Rolling Stones, “Shine A Light.” The footage was from a two-night event the Stones did back in 2006 as a benefit for fighting global warming. All of that is irrelevant. What Scorsese delivers is not merely another concert doc; rather, it is a religious experience. If anyone has ever questioned why the Rolling Stones, with an average age over 63, are still touring, strap them to a seat, force open their eyes “Clockwork Orange”-style and show this film. Yeah, they’re old, but they rock harder and better than anyone ever has and ever will. Mick, Keith, Ronnie and Charlie are at the top of their game, just like they have been for the past 40-odd years. Here are my five favorites of their catalog.
1. “Gimme Shelter” (1969)
Let’s face it: no Rolling Stones song has the sheer fire in its belly that can match “Gimme Shelter.” Mick and Keith wrote this in a period of time that was utter turmoil for the entire world (Kent State shootings, Vietnam War, poverty, etc.), and the song reveals that. From the eerie guitar and ethereal vocals of the opener to the sheer guitar onslaught of the solo section, “Gimme Shelter” is truly a ballad of the apocalypse. But the Stones are optimistic, and with the help of backup singer Merry Clayton they remind everyone of the power of love. Plus, big props to Martin Scorsese for using this song in basically every film he has ever made.
2. “Jumpin’ Jack Flash” (1968)
The song was inspired by Keith Richard’s gardener, but took on a lift of its own. The lyrics are all about escaping the acid cloud that the Stones had been under for several years, but the song finds its voice in the one-two punch of the guitars of Richards and Ronnie Wood. Its been hailed as one of the greatest guitar songs of all time, with an opening segment that rattles your bones and a riff that comes from the straight from the darkest depths of Richards' brain. That, and the harmonies are almost beyond perfect. It remains a staple of their live concerts to this day.
3. “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction” (1965)
The most definitive riff of all time. I don’t care what you say, Richard’s immortal riff from “Satisfaction” has a more recognizable sound than any other song ever. Richards conceived of the tune in a dream, woke up, recorded it on his tape player and promptly fell back asleep. He felt it wasn’t worth recording, but was outvoted by the other Stones, and it became a single. Jagger’s lyrics are inspired by the Stones’ recent trip to America, where they saw rampant commercialism. “Satisfaction” is a rejection of what the world was trying to force upon the youth, and an acceptance of individual freedom. All under the wing of that riff.
4. “Sympathy For The Devil” (1968)
Did somebody say samba? The Rolling Stones employed that classic rhythm style in their ode to His Satanic Majesty. The song is, in essence, a critique and a reminder of all the violence that has occurred throughout the span of human history. However, the general public, idiots that we are, saw this song as the ultimate sign of devil worship. No matter. This is Jagger’s anthem, and he knows it. Every line is sung/spat with the intensity of the Devil himself, and it ends with a chilling reminder that the devil is waiting for all evil men. It’s haunting, it’s dark, it’s fantastic. Oh, but don’t ever listen to the Guns N’ Roses cover.
5. “Wild Horses” (1971)
“Wild Horses” finds the Rolling Stones at their most emotionally bare moment. Richards wrote the song after having to leave his wife and newborn son to tour. Jagger was able to get inside the song emotionally due to his recent breakup with a long-time girlfriend. In end, the Stones lay their hearts out on the line, something that is quite rare for them. The song resides in the middle ground between country and rock, a place where few can survive, but the Stones excel. Jagger’s voice is bare and honest, trying to reassure those he loves. Let’s face it, the song is beautiful, and I’m getting emotionally worked up just listening to it.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Top Five: Debut Punk Albums
Rock moves in cycles. One style dominates almost the entire industry, going from edgy and new to overdone and boring. So, in response, a bunch of kids grab their guitars and go balls-to-the-wall anti-establishment, forever changing the face of music. We’ve seen it with grunge, we’ve seen it with lo-fi. But the single most important change for music was the genesis of punk. A biting response to the increasingly ridiculous nature of ‘60s rock, punk was short, fast and hard. The following are the five albums that launched the careers of five of the greatest punk bands of all time.
NOTE: I know I’m going to get complaints for not including The Clash’s self-titled debut album. First off, it’s my top five, so if you’re really mad, get your own. But really I feel that the Clash didn’t hit their stride until “London Calling” a few years later. Don’t forget, this is a list of debut albums.
1. “Ramones” by the Ramones (1976)
This is the album that almost single-handedly started the genre of punk rock. The Ramones were four guys from Queens, New York who were fed up with the loopy guitar solos and songs that dragged on for well over ten minutes. Clocking in at a mere 29 minutes, “Ramones” is a 14 song full-frontal assault on the ears. The Ramones could play about three chords, and even then they were shaky. Joey Ramones’ vocals were rough at best. But none of that mattered. Each song is an anthem in its own right, bigger and badder than anything that had existed before. In later years the Ramones changed line-ups and fooled around with the sound, but nothing ever quite brought them back to their debut. After all, the whole album began with the ultimate call to disillusioned youth: “Hey! Ho! Let’s go!”
Key Tracks: “Blitzkrieg Bop,” “Judy is a Punk,” “Now I Wanna Sniff Some Glue”
2. “Never Mind the Bollocks Here’s the Sex Pistols” by the Sex Pistols (1977)
Not long after the Ramones kicked things into high gear, the Sex Pistols assembled in London, England to give the Brits a taste of what they were missing. What they achieved was some of the most brutal and insane music ever created by man. Heck, two guys in the band had last names of Rotten and Vicious, so what do you expect? Every single track on this album is either a swipe at the English government, or the recording industry, or simply just getting older. They weren’t any more musically inclined than the Ramones, but the production on the album is far superior, giving “Never Mind the Bollocks” a much cleaner sound than its American cousin. The Sex Pistols also managed to make themselves legendary by never getting it together to record another album before bassist Sid Vicious killed himself. So what are we left with? A cry of pure defiance, by four guys who were mad as hell and weren’t going to take it.
Key Tracks: “God Save the Queen,” “Seventeen,” “Anarchy in the U.K.”
3. “Fresh Fruit for Rotting Vegetables” by the Dead Kennedys (1980)
Jello Biafra is quite possibly insane. But that didn’t stop him from getting three of his friends together, starting a band, and releasing the first leftist, socially-concious punk album ever. Where the Ramones and the Sex Pistols had faltered musically, the Dead Kennedys made up for in spades. Guitarist East Bay Ray tore his axe to shreds on every single track, with excellent support from Klaus Flouride on bass and Ted on drums. But what makes the album so definitive is the combination of Biafra’s voice and lyrics. In any other setting, he would be dismissed as just another nut, but instead his genius shines. The lyrics are brilliant attacks on the state of things in Cambodia, the draft, the neutron bomb and California governor Jerry Brown. No one is safe from Biafra’s razor sharp wit, not even his landlord. Plus, the band even had the gall to include a hammed up cover of “Viva Las Vegas.”
Key Tracks: “Kill The Poor,” “California Uber Alles,” “Holiday in Cambodia”
4. “Inflammable Material” by Stiff Little Fingers (1979)
Imagine an Irish version of the Sex Pistols without a self-destructive bent, and could actually play their instruments. That is the exact formula for Stiff Little Fingers. These punks out of Northern Ireland were just as fed up as the Sex Pistols, but with a much better sense of what worked musically. Their songs spoke to a brutally cruel English government, touching on the oppression the Irish endured under the English for decades. Lead singer Jake Burns has a fire in his voice on all the tracks that could make even grown men cower. Despite being overshadowed by their English contemporaries, “Inflammable Material” has remained a favorite amongst punk connoisseurs the world over. They’ve taken what the Sex Pistols attempted and brought it to the next level.
Key Tracks: “Suspect Device,” “Barbed Wire Love,” “Alternative Ulster”
5. “Los Angeles” by X (1980)
X has one of the most definitive band names of all time. And their debut album has a sound that is simultaneously rockabilly and punk, if ever a think could exist. Lead singer Exene Cervenka belts out lyrics that can only be described as poetry. In fact, the band’s lyrics have been compared to the poetry of Charles Bukowski and the prose of Raymond Chandler. The songs address a Los Angeles underground scene filled with sex and drugs that was largely unfamiliar to the American public. But listeners found X to have an almost welcoming sound, due largely to the guitar work of the virtuoso John Doe and production courtesy of ex-Door Ray Manzarek. X’s career may have been brief, but the entire L.A. music scene was forever changed upon their debut.
Key Tracks: “You’re Phone’s Off the Hook, But You’re Not,” “Johnny Hit and Run Pauline,” “Los Angeles”
NOTE: I know I’m going to get complaints for not including The Clash’s self-titled debut album. First off, it’s my top five, so if you’re really mad, get your own. But really I feel that the Clash didn’t hit their stride until “London Calling” a few years later. Don’t forget, this is a list of debut albums.
1. “Ramones” by the Ramones (1976)
This is the album that almost single-handedly started the genre of punk rock. The Ramones were four guys from Queens, New York who were fed up with the loopy guitar solos and songs that dragged on for well over ten minutes. Clocking in at a mere 29 minutes, “Ramones” is a 14 song full-frontal assault on the ears. The Ramones could play about three chords, and even then they were shaky. Joey Ramones’ vocals were rough at best. But none of that mattered. Each song is an anthem in its own right, bigger and badder than anything that had existed before. In later years the Ramones changed line-ups and fooled around with the sound, but nothing ever quite brought them back to their debut. After all, the whole album began with the ultimate call to disillusioned youth: “Hey! Ho! Let’s go!”
Key Tracks: “Blitzkrieg Bop,” “Judy is a Punk,” “Now I Wanna Sniff Some Glue”
2. “Never Mind the Bollocks Here’s the Sex Pistols” by the Sex Pistols (1977)
Not long after the Ramones kicked things into high gear, the Sex Pistols assembled in London, England to give the Brits a taste of what they were missing. What they achieved was some of the most brutal and insane music ever created by man. Heck, two guys in the band had last names of Rotten and Vicious, so what do you expect? Every single track on this album is either a swipe at the English government, or the recording industry, or simply just getting older. They weren’t any more musically inclined than the Ramones, but the production on the album is far superior, giving “Never Mind the Bollocks” a much cleaner sound than its American cousin. The Sex Pistols also managed to make themselves legendary by never getting it together to record another album before bassist Sid Vicious killed himself. So what are we left with? A cry of pure defiance, by four guys who were mad as hell and weren’t going to take it.
Key Tracks: “God Save the Queen,” “Seventeen,” “Anarchy in the U.K.”
3. “Fresh Fruit for Rotting Vegetables” by the Dead Kennedys (1980)
Jello Biafra is quite possibly insane. But that didn’t stop him from getting three of his friends together, starting a band, and releasing the first leftist, socially-concious punk album ever. Where the Ramones and the Sex Pistols had faltered musically, the Dead Kennedys made up for in spades. Guitarist East Bay Ray tore his axe to shreds on every single track, with excellent support from Klaus Flouride on bass and Ted on drums. But what makes the album so definitive is the combination of Biafra’s voice and lyrics. In any other setting, he would be dismissed as just another nut, but instead his genius shines. The lyrics are brilliant attacks on the state of things in Cambodia, the draft, the neutron bomb and California governor Jerry Brown. No one is safe from Biafra’s razor sharp wit, not even his landlord. Plus, the band even had the gall to include a hammed up cover of “Viva Las Vegas.”
Key Tracks: “Kill The Poor,” “California Uber Alles,” “Holiday in Cambodia”
4. “Inflammable Material” by Stiff Little Fingers (1979)
Imagine an Irish version of the Sex Pistols without a self-destructive bent, and could actually play their instruments. That is the exact formula for Stiff Little Fingers. These punks out of Northern Ireland were just as fed up as the Sex Pistols, but with a much better sense of what worked musically. Their songs spoke to a brutally cruel English government, touching on the oppression the Irish endured under the English for decades. Lead singer Jake Burns has a fire in his voice on all the tracks that could make even grown men cower. Despite being overshadowed by their English contemporaries, “Inflammable Material” has remained a favorite amongst punk connoisseurs the world over. They’ve taken what the Sex Pistols attempted and brought it to the next level.
Key Tracks: “Suspect Device,” “Barbed Wire Love,” “Alternative Ulster”
5. “Los Angeles” by X (1980)
X has one of the most definitive band names of all time. And their debut album has a sound that is simultaneously rockabilly and punk, if ever a think could exist. Lead singer Exene Cervenka belts out lyrics that can only be described as poetry. In fact, the band’s lyrics have been compared to the poetry of Charles Bukowski and the prose of Raymond Chandler. The songs address a Los Angeles underground scene filled with sex and drugs that was largely unfamiliar to the American public. But listeners found X to have an almost welcoming sound, due largely to the guitar work of the virtuoso John Doe and production courtesy of ex-Door Ray Manzarek. X’s career may have been brief, but the entire L.A. music scene was forever changed upon their debut.
Key Tracks: “You’re Phone’s Off the Hook, But You’re Not,” “Johnny Hit and Run Pauline,” “Los Angeles”
Thursday, February 21, 2008
A Jack's Top Five Special Report: Oscar Picks
This weekend is the 80th Academy Awards, and, not surprisingly, I’m looking forward to it. It’s the one night out of the year that my constant obsession over movies pays off as I watch some of the films I loved get the acclaim they deserve. So in honor of this night, I skipped the usual format and made my picks for five of the categories. Make sure to tune in! (Sunday Feb. 24th, 5pt/8et on ABC)
1. Best Picture
Will Win- “No Country For Old Men”
I already chose this as the best film of 2007, and I’m standing by it. No film this year is more compelling, more riveting or simply better done than “No Country For Old Men.” The entire cast is fantastic, with a spectacular script and excellent cinematography. This is, in short, one of the best films of the decade, not just the year.
Dark Horse- As fantastic as “No Country For Old Men” is, don’t rule out P.T. Anderson’s “There Will Be Blood.” The Academy is notorious for loving movies that follow one character’s rise and fall. A truly gifted Daniel Day Lewis puts in his all, helping to craft an excellent story. I just feel it’s going to fall short.
2. Best Actor
Will Win- Daniel Day-Lewis began his long walk up to the podium the day “There Will Be Blood” was released. His performance can only be described as a tour-de-force. He is, almost literally, the heart and soul of the film. The depth and complexity of Daniel Plainview is brought straight to fruition with the incomparable Day-Lewis.
Dark Horse- There really isn’t one. All the other nominees are amazing in their roles, but not one of them can match up with the monster inside of Day-Lewis. Oh well. Let’s just say George Clooney for “Michael Clayton” because he’s cute.
3. Best Actress
Will Win- A moment of honesty first: I have only seen one of the five movies that have nominees in this category. But based on all the reviews and Oscar buzz I’ve been hearing, I’m going to have to go with Marion Cotillard as Edith Piaf in “La Vie En Rose.” The Academy likes biopics about musicians (“Walk The Line,” “Ray,” etc.), so you can’t really go wrong.
Dark Horse- I’m pulling for Ellen Page in “Juno.” She gave the film a sense of honesty and purity that may have been lacking otherwise. “Juno” was this year’s “Little Miss Sunshine,” so let’s give some credit where credit is due.
4. Best Director
Will Win- The Cohen brothers for “No Country For Old Men.” If they lose, they will officially become the next Scorsese. Every single film they’ve created is a masterpiece, and yet none of them have raked in this award. Why not reward them for crafting the most conceptually brilliant film of the year.
Dark Horse- Once again, the only competition here is P.T. Anderson. His vision of the oil-drilling world is so dark and subversive that it literally gives you chills. Every great actor needs an inspiration, and Day-Lewis gets it from Anderson. This is perhaps the closest contest of the night.
5. Best Original Song
Will Win- I included this category so that I’d have one more chance to tout the glory that is “Once.” “Falling Slowly” is one of the most beautiful songs I’ve heard in the past five years, and deserves every acclaim it can get. Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova are so frank and honest in this song that each word feels like it has the weight of a thousand. Truly amazing.
Dark Horse- I haven’t seen it, but apparently “Enchanted” had some great songs. Statistically speaking, it has the leg up with three nominations in this category. But no matter how sweet or funny these songs are they just won’t be able to stand up to a true masterwork.
1. Best Picture
Will Win- “No Country For Old Men”
I already chose this as the best film of 2007, and I’m standing by it. No film this year is more compelling, more riveting or simply better done than “No Country For Old Men.” The entire cast is fantastic, with a spectacular script and excellent cinematography. This is, in short, one of the best films of the decade, not just the year.
Dark Horse- As fantastic as “No Country For Old Men” is, don’t rule out P.T. Anderson’s “There Will Be Blood.” The Academy is notorious for loving movies that follow one character’s rise and fall. A truly gifted Daniel Day Lewis puts in his all, helping to craft an excellent story. I just feel it’s going to fall short.
2. Best Actor
Will Win- Daniel Day-Lewis began his long walk up to the podium the day “There Will Be Blood” was released. His performance can only be described as a tour-de-force. He is, almost literally, the heart and soul of the film. The depth and complexity of Daniel Plainview is brought straight to fruition with the incomparable Day-Lewis.
Dark Horse- There really isn’t one. All the other nominees are amazing in their roles, but not one of them can match up with the monster inside of Day-Lewis. Oh well. Let’s just say George Clooney for “Michael Clayton” because he’s cute.
3. Best Actress
Will Win- A moment of honesty first: I have only seen one of the five movies that have nominees in this category. But based on all the reviews and Oscar buzz I’ve been hearing, I’m going to have to go with Marion Cotillard as Edith Piaf in “La Vie En Rose.” The Academy likes biopics about musicians (“Walk The Line,” “Ray,” etc.), so you can’t really go wrong.
Dark Horse- I’m pulling for Ellen Page in “Juno.” She gave the film a sense of honesty and purity that may have been lacking otherwise. “Juno” was this year’s “Little Miss Sunshine,” so let’s give some credit where credit is due.
4. Best Director
Will Win- The Cohen brothers for “No Country For Old Men.” If they lose, they will officially become the next Scorsese. Every single film they’ve created is a masterpiece, and yet none of them have raked in this award. Why not reward them for crafting the most conceptually brilliant film of the year.
Dark Horse- Once again, the only competition here is P.T. Anderson. His vision of the oil-drilling world is so dark and subversive that it literally gives you chills. Every great actor needs an inspiration, and Day-Lewis gets it from Anderson. This is perhaps the closest contest of the night.
5. Best Original Song
Will Win- I included this category so that I’d have one more chance to tout the glory that is “Once.” “Falling Slowly” is one of the most beautiful songs I’ve heard in the past five years, and deserves every acclaim it can get. Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova are so frank and honest in this song that each word feels like it has the weight of a thousand. Truly amazing.
Dark Horse- I haven’t seen it, but apparently “Enchanted” had some great songs. Statistically speaking, it has the leg up with three nominations in this category. But no matter how sweet or funny these songs are they just won’t be able to stand up to a true masterwork.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Top Five: Movies To Watch With Your Sweetie
Valentine’s Day is upon us. Or Singles’ Awareness Day. Either way you look at it, this is supposed to be the most romantic day of the year. Thus, I’m dishing up five films that are both romantic and funny, the best combination for some Valentine’s Day magic. Any of these would be great to watch cuddled up on the couch with your special someone. Or you can watch them alone with a big tub of ice cream, as I usually do.
1. “When Harry Met Sally” (1989)
There is a reason that this movie is such a great romantic comedy. Nora Ephron has written a slough of these things, but nothing quite matches with this wonderful film. And with Rob Reiner in the director’s chair, how can you go wrong? Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan are the title couple, following the story arch set in perhaps the most romantic city, New York. The film is a great look into the concept of platonic relationships, something that both Harry and Sally desperately want to pursue, despite being absolutely perfect for each other. Oh, and when Meg Ryan gives the fake orgasm in the world-famous Katz’s Deli, everyone saw the rules of comedy changed forever.
2. “Annie Hall” (1977)
Once again, this film is set in New York. Woody Allen used the city as a backdrop for a film that broke from his previous trend of laugh-out-loud comedies. “Annie Hall” is quite funny, but the film transcends mere humor and reaches a point where it explores the intricate nature of human relationships. Allen plays the hero, Alvy Singer, and Diane Keaton is fantastic as the title character. The film follows the entire cycle of their relationship, from their first meeting to the eventual break-up and beyond. The dialogue is so pure and earnest that watching the film is almost like watching your brain at work. Allen breaks the “fourth wall”, and speaks directly to the camera several times, making for some of the best writing in modern cinema. And Keaton’s layered attire defined a generation of women’s clothes.
3. “Jerry Maguire” (1996)
Say what you will about Tom Cruise now, but he used to be one of the best. Not only does “Jerry Maguire” have one of the best romantic stories of all time, it features sports prominently. It is because of this that this film is perfect for the couple that can’t agree on a movie on a Saturday night. Cruise is the title character, a sports agent who loses all his clients save for the obnoxiously loud football star Cuba Gooding Jr. Renee Zellweger is the one woman who actually believes in Jerry, and, in the end, the one woman that can complete his life. Director Cameron Crowe used to write for Rolling Stone, so naturally the music is amazing. Also, don’t forget the two lines of dialogue that defined the ‘90s for many, many people: “Show me the money!” and “You had me at ‘Hello.’”
4. “Love Actually” (2003)
This movie is basically a showcase of talented British actors. Let’s see who we have: Alan Rickman, Emma Thompson, Hugh Grant, Colin Firth, Liam Neeson, Keira Knightly, Laura Linney and Bill Nighy. Here’s the thing: THAT’S NOT EVERYONE. The massive cast is used to portray multiple stories of people falling in and out of love in London, England. Despite it’s length (over 2 hours), the film moves swiftly thanks to clever writing and excellent acting. It is simultaneously sweet and sorrowful, happy and sad. In the end, though, you are left with the feeling that everything has ended with the best. Oh, and in case you were worried, “Love Actually” will make you laugh.
5. “Some Like It Hot” (1959)
No list of romantic movies is complete without some solid cross-dressing. Jack Lemmon and Tony Curtis disguise themselves as members of an all-girl band on their way to Florida so as to avoid a Chicago gangster. Sound ridiculous? It is, but it’s so well done that nobody cares. Of course, they run across Marilyn Monroe while disguised as girls, thus leading to plot complications that would give Shakespeare a headache. Curtis assumes another identity just to get closer to Monroe, while an older male millionaire pursues Lemmon-in-drag. The laughs come hard and fast, and Lemmon and Curtis are spot on as they deal with the implications of their assumed identities. Heck, even if you don’t like their humor, you get to spend 2 hours looking at Marilyn Monroe, so who are you to complain?
1. “When Harry Met Sally” (1989)
There is a reason that this movie is such a great romantic comedy. Nora Ephron has written a slough of these things, but nothing quite matches with this wonderful film. And with Rob Reiner in the director’s chair, how can you go wrong? Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan are the title couple, following the story arch set in perhaps the most romantic city, New York. The film is a great look into the concept of platonic relationships, something that both Harry and Sally desperately want to pursue, despite being absolutely perfect for each other. Oh, and when Meg Ryan gives the fake orgasm in the world-famous Katz’s Deli, everyone saw the rules of comedy changed forever.
2. “Annie Hall” (1977)
Once again, this film is set in New York. Woody Allen used the city as a backdrop for a film that broke from his previous trend of laugh-out-loud comedies. “Annie Hall” is quite funny, but the film transcends mere humor and reaches a point where it explores the intricate nature of human relationships. Allen plays the hero, Alvy Singer, and Diane Keaton is fantastic as the title character. The film follows the entire cycle of their relationship, from their first meeting to the eventual break-up and beyond. The dialogue is so pure and earnest that watching the film is almost like watching your brain at work. Allen breaks the “fourth wall”, and speaks directly to the camera several times, making for some of the best writing in modern cinema. And Keaton’s layered attire defined a generation of women’s clothes.
3. “Jerry Maguire” (1996)
Say what you will about Tom Cruise now, but he used to be one of the best. Not only does “Jerry Maguire” have one of the best romantic stories of all time, it features sports prominently. It is because of this that this film is perfect for the couple that can’t agree on a movie on a Saturday night. Cruise is the title character, a sports agent who loses all his clients save for the obnoxiously loud football star Cuba Gooding Jr. Renee Zellweger is the one woman who actually believes in Jerry, and, in the end, the one woman that can complete his life. Director Cameron Crowe used to write for Rolling Stone, so naturally the music is amazing. Also, don’t forget the two lines of dialogue that defined the ‘90s for many, many people: “Show me the money!” and “You had me at ‘Hello.’”
4. “Love Actually” (2003)
This movie is basically a showcase of talented British actors. Let’s see who we have: Alan Rickman, Emma Thompson, Hugh Grant, Colin Firth, Liam Neeson, Keira Knightly, Laura Linney and Bill Nighy. Here’s the thing: THAT’S NOT EVERYONE. The massive cast is used to portray multiple stories of people falling in and out of love in London, England. Despite it’s length (over 2 hours), the film moves swiftly thanks to clever writing and excellent acting. It is simultaneously sweet and sorrowful, happy and sad. In the end, though, you are left with the feeling that everything has ended with the best. Oh, and in case you were worried, “Love Actually” will make you laugh.
5. “Some Like It Hot” (1959)
No list of romantic movies is complete without some solid cross-dressing. Jack Lemmon and Tony Curtis disguise themselves as members of an all-girl band on their way to Florida so as to avoid a Chicago gangster. Sound ridiculous? It is, but it’s so well done that nobody cares. Of course, they run across Marilyn Monroe while disguised as girls, thus leading to plot complications that would give Shakespeare a headache. Curtis assumes another identity just to get closer to Monroe, while an older male millionaire pursues Lemmon-in-drag. The laughs come hard and fast, and Lemmon and Curtis are spot on as they deal with the implications of their assumed identities. Heck, even if you don’t like their humor, you get to spend 2 hours looking at Marilyn Monroe, so who are you to complain?
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Top Five Neil Young Albums
Let’s face it. When talking about rock and roll, there’s good, there’s great, and then there’s Neil Young. As my comrade-in-arms Jake Bartolic once put it, “In a contest between any two bands, Neil Young wins.” Arguably one of the best singer-songwriters of all time, Young has a knack for crafting songs that are simultaneously touching and rocking. He’s been around for over 40 years, and so, without further ado, I present my favorites.
1. Rust Never Sleeps (1979)
The concept album that was released AFTER the tour. How brilliant. Its title borrowed from Rustoleum paint, the “Rust Never Sleeps” tour was a two act set that featured Young alone in the first half, performing acoustic songs. The second act was the electric set, with backing band Crazy Horse. Put the two together, and you get some of the most expertly crafted songs possible. Young is able to show off both his acoustic picking and his electric shredding. Songs like “Thrasher” and “Powderfinger” are epic tales of a lost America. And the duo of “My My, Hey Hey (Out of the Blue)” and “Hey Hey, My My (Into the Black)” are the perfect bookends. As Mr. Young reminds us in the latter, “It’s better to burn out / ‘cause rust never sleeps.”
2. Harvest (1972)
“Harvest” is Young’s most commercially successful album. It’s the only one of his albums to go to number one, and has been certified platinum four times over. It’s not surprising why. “Harvest” has some of Young’s most deeply personal songs while featuring a star-studded cast of backing musicians. David Crosby, Stephen Stills, Graham Nash, James Taylor, Linda Ronstadt and the London Symphony Orchestra all lend a helping hand to completing this masterpiece. And with songs like “Heart of Gold,” “A Man Needs a Maid,” “Old Man” and “The Needle and the Damage Done,” who could argue with the results?
3. American Stars ‘N Bars (1977)
This is Neil Young’s forgotten gem. Recorded in four rather different sessions from 1974 to 1977, “American Stars ‘N Bars” is simultaneously country and rock. Songs like “Saddle Up the Palomino” and “Bite the Bullet” evoke images of days past in the folk stylings of old. Conversely, “Will to Love” and “Like a Hurricane” are hard-rocking guitar workouts, the latter being the best evidence of Young’s immense prowess with the electric guitar. The album closes with “Homegrown,” a potential anthem for organic farmers and those growing their own stash of weed. Those crazy Canadians.
4. Mirror Ball (1995)
In 1995, Young found his best backing band since Crazy Horse: Pearl Jam. Yes, the Seattle grunge rockers collaborated with Young to craft the ultimate blend of alternative rock and Young’s iconic folk-rock style. Each song is its own epic story, a cross between classic Pearl Jam sound and Neil Young vocals. “Song X,” “I’m the Ocean” and “Peace and Love” are just highlights of an album that never stumbles, only soars. Even better: the following 11-date tour to promote the album was dubbed “Neil Jam” by fans. Best. Collaboration. Ever.
5. After The Gold Rush (1970)
This is the sound of Neil Young before he struck it big. “Harvest” wasn’t released until two years later, giving “Gold Rush” plenty of time to sink into the national conciousness. It took some time to, for this is arguable Young’s saddest album. The title track is a piano ballad that is only accompianied by a French horn, and speaks of a disillusioned Young looking at a world slowly falling apart. “Southern Man” is a biting attack on racism in the south, the best part of which is not the actual song, but the fact that it inspired Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Sweet Home Alabama.” And “Only Love Can Break Your Heart”? Try and guess what that’s about. He’s chippered up recently, but some of Young’s best work comes out of this dark period.
1. Rust Never Sleeps (1979)
The concept album that was released AFTER the tour. How brilliant. Its title borrowed from Rustoleum paint, the “Rust Never Sleeps” tour was a two act set that featured Young alone in the first half, performing acoustic songs. The second act was the electric set, with backing band Crazy Horse. Put the two together, and you get some of the most expertly crafted songs possible. Young is able to show off both his acoustic picking and his electric shredding. Songs like “Thrasher” and “Powderfinger” are epic tales of a lost America. And the duo of “My My, Hey Hey (Out of the Blue)” and “Hey Hey, My My (Into the Black)” are the perfect bookends. As Mr. Young reminds us in the latter, “It’s better to burn out / ‘cause rust never sleeps.”
2. Harvest (1972)
“Harvest” is Young’s most commercially successful album. It’s the only one of his albums to go to number one, and has been certified platinum four times over. It’s not surprising why. “Harvest” has some of Young’s most deeply personal songs while featuring a star-studded cast of backing musicians. David Crosby, Stephen Stills, Graham Nash, James Taylor, Linda Ronstadt and the London Symphony Orchestra all lend a helping hand to completing this masterpiece. And with songs like “Heart of Gold,” “A Man Needs a Maid,” “Old Man” and “The Needle and the Damage Done,” who could argue with the results?
3. American Stars ‘N Bars (1977)
This is Neil Young’s forgotten gem. Recorded in four rather different sessions from 1974 to 1977, “American Stars ‘N Bars” is simultaneously country and rock. Songs like “Saddle Up the Palomino” and “Bite the Bullet” evoke images of days past in the folk stylings of old. Conversely, “Will to Love” and “Like a Hurricane” are hard-rocking guitar workouts, the latter being the best evidence of Young’s immense prowess with the electric guitar. The album closes with “Homegrown,” a potential anthem for organic farmers and those growing their own stash of weed. Those crazy Canadians.
4. Mirror Ball (1995)
In 1995, Young found his best backing band since Crazy Horse: Pearl Jam. Yes, the Seattle grunge rockers collaborated with Young to craft the ultimate blend of alternative rock and Young’s iconic folk-rock style. Each song is its own epic story, a cross between classic Pearl Jam sound and Neil Young vocals. “Song X,” “I’m the Ocean” and “Peace and Love” are just highlights of an album that never stumbles, only soars. Even better: the following 11-date tour to promote the album was dubbed “Neil Jam” by fans. Best. Collaboration. Ever.
5. After The Gold Rush (1970)
This is the sound of Neil Young before he struck it big. “Harvest” wasn’t released until two years later, giving “Gold Rush” plenty of time to sink into the national conciousness. It took some time to, for this is arguable Young’s saddest album. The title track is a piano ballad that is only accompianied by a French horn, and speaks of a disillusioned Young looking at a world slowly falling apart. “Southern Man” is a biting attack on racism in the south, the best part of which is not the actual song, but the fact that it inspired Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Sweet Home Alabama.” And “Only Love Can Break Your Heart”? Try and guess what that’s about. He’s chippered up recently, but some of Young’s best work comes out of this dark period.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Top Five Disney Movies
Walt Disney, and his animation studio, has created over 40 films* since it’s inception in 1937. Most are recognized as truly visionary and amazing animated films. But, to me, five stand out as the greatest. Read on.
*This does not include Pixar. Those films, while owned by Disney, are not part of the accepted Disney animated feature film canon.
1. “The Jungle Book” (1967)
Based on a collection of Rudyard Kipling stories, “The Jungle Book” is one of the most visually satisfying Disney films. A young Mowgli attempts to reach manhood while being raised at various times by a pack of wolves, a patrol of elephants, a panther named Bagheera and a bear named Baloo. He does battle with the truly frightening tiger named Shere Khan, and, in the end, is wooed by a young girl into moving into the local village. But by far the best part of the film is King Louie (voiced by Louis Prima), the king of the monkeys, singing along with Baloo (Phil Harris) about being a man. This scene is simultaneously surreal and spellbinding, as is the rest of the film. Fun fact: this is the last Disney film made before Walt’s death.
2. “Robin Hood” (1973)
Perhaps I love this and the previous movie so much because of the vocal talents of Phil Harris. This time he’s Little John (also a bear), the sidekick to Robin Hood, a fox in this telling of the story. All the classic elements of the Robin Hood story are included, but the music is straight-up 1973. Country singer Roger Miller plays the whistling rooster who serves as the narrator, thus allowing the greatest whistling rooster song of all time to be the opening credits of the film. And the pseudo-homosexual, love-hate relationship between Prince John (a lion) and Sir Hiss (a snake) is truly hilarious for both kids and adults (albeit for two very different reasons).
3. “Aladdin” (1992)
The love story between a street-rat named Aladdin and a princess named Jasmine is reasonably good, but what makes this film fantastic is the supporting cast. Jafar is a nasty villain that you absolutely love to hate. The sentient Magic Carpet and the monkey Abu are the best non-speaking sidekicks in animation. But where Disney scored is by getting comedians Gilbert Gottfried and Robin Williams to play Iago the parrot and the Genie, respectively. Iago is wonderfully wicked, and smack-talks virtually every person he comes across in a way only the crazy-voiced Gottfried can. And Williams’ over-the-top performance as the Genie has become a true staple both in the Disney world and cinema in general.
4. “The Lion King” (1994)
This film is significant if only because it is the first Disney movie to not be directly based on previously written material. It does, however, draw plot elements from such classics as the Joseph story of the Bible, and William Shakespeare’s Hamlet. Featuring an ensemble cast that cannot possibly be topped, the story is profound, the music is fantastic (who’s better than Elton John?), and the visuals are astounding. This is a tale of epic proportions, and its vast setting and sprawling scope only heighten the entire experience. If given the chance, enjoy “The Lion King” in IMAX. It will change the way you think about animated films.
5. “Beauty And The Beast” (1991)
This is the first and only animated Disney film to be nominated for the Oscar for Best Picture, with good reason. Not only is the story a wonderful retelling of a classic tale, the animation is stunning in its use of 3D technology. The classic scene when Belle and the Beast dance in the ballroom is as visually astounding as anything filmed made with actual people. The songs are touching, and the supporting cast of living, breathing household objects is quite funny. And this particular film will always have a special significance to me: it was the first movie I ever saw in theaters.
*This does not include Pixar. Those films, while owned by Disney, are not part of the accepted Disney animated feature film canon.
1. “The Jungle Book” (1967)
Based on a collection of Rudyard Kipling stories, “The Jungle Book” is one of the most visually satisfying Disney films. A young Mowgli attempts to reach manhood while being raised at various times by a pack of wolves, a patrol of elephants, a panther named Bagheera and a bear named Baloo. He does battle with the truly frightening tiger named Shere Khan, and, in the end, is wooed by a young girl into moving into the local village. But by far the best part of the film is King Louie (voiced by Louis Prima), the king of the monkeys, singing along with Baloo (Phil Harris) about being a man. This scene is simultaneously surreal and spellbinding, as is the rest of the film. Fun fact: this is the last Disney film made before Walt’s death.
2. “Robin Hood” (1973)
Perhaps I love this and the previous movie so much because of the vocal talents of Phil Harris. This time he’s Little John (also a bear), the sidekick to Robin Hood, a fox in this telling of the story. All the classic elements of the Robin Hood story are included, but the music is straight-up 1973. Country singer Roger Miller plays the whistling rooster who serves as the narrator, thus allowing the greatest whistling rooster song of all time to be the opening credits of the film. And the pseudo-homosexual, love-hate relationship between Prince John (a lion) and Sir Hiss (a snake) is truly hilarious for both kids and adults (albeit for two very different reasons).
3. “Aladdin” (1992)
The love story between a street-rat named Aladdin and a princess named Jasmine is reasonably good, but what makes this film fantastic is the supporting cast. Jafar is a nasty villain that you absolutely love to hate. The sentient Magic Carpet and the monkey Abu are the best non-speaking sidekicks in animation. But where Disney scored is by getting comedians Gilbert Gottfried and Robin Williams to play Iago the parrot and the Genie, respectively. Iago is wonderfully wicked, and smack-talks virtually every person he comes across in a way only the crazy-voiced Gottfried can. And Williams’ over-the-top performance as the Genie has become a true staple both in the Disney world and cinema in general.
4. “The Lion King” (1994)
This film is significant if only because it is the first Disney movie to not be directly based on previously written material. It does, however, draw plot elements from such classics as the Joseph story of the Bible, and William Shakespeare’s Hamlet. Featuring an ensemble cast that cannot possibly be topped, the story is profound, the music is fantastic (who’s better than Elton John?), and the visuals are astounding. This is a tale of epic proportions, and its vast setting and sprawling scope only heighten the entire experience. If given the chance, enjoy “The Lion King” in IMAX. It will change the way you think about animated films.
5. “Beauty And The Beast” (1991)
This is the first and only animated Disney film to be nominated for the Oscar for Best Picture, with good reason. Not only is the story a wonderful retelling of a classic tale, the animation is stunning in its use of 3D technology. The classic scene when Belle and the Beast dance in the ballroom is as visually astounding as anything filmed made with actual people. The songs are touching, and the supporting cast of living, breathing household objects is quite funny. And this particular film will always have a special significance to me: it was the first movie I ever saw in theaters.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Top Five Horrible Songs That Were (For Some God-Forsaken Reason) Extremely Popular
I love music. But I cannot possibly understand why some of the music that exists either was or is popular. There’s some great stuff out there, but there’s also some total crap. This list is just the cream of the crap; a bottom five, if you will. They’re listed in chronological order of release.
1. “Good Morning Starshine” by Oliver
Released in 1969, this winner of a track made it all the way up to the number ten spot of the most popular singles for that year. If you ever wanted evidence that drugs do horrible things to your mind, look no further. Featuring lyrics like “Gliddy glub gloopy/Nibby nabby noopy/La la la lo lo/Sabba sibby sabba/Nooby abba nabba/Le le lo lo/Tooby ooby walla/Nooby abba naba/Early morning singing song,” the song almost makes you feel like an acid freak. The melody is junk, and the lead singer’s voice (presumably Oliver himself) is cheesy to a degree that puts Paul Anka to shame. And guess what? Your parents probably know all the words.
2. “You Light Up My Life” by Debby Boone
This song has been covered by everyone from Patti Smith to Robert Goulet. But it took Pat Boone’s daughter to really destroy our eardrums. Originally written as a love ballad, Boone turned the song into a declaration of her faith in God. Either way, it’s a piece of crap. The track is far too sappy to be taken seriously, and it feels brutally long at a mere three-and-a-half minutes. Here’s the kicker: it won an Academy Award for Best Original Song of 1977. I’m fairly certain that even the Academy is still scratching their heads on how they let this one slide through.
3. “Achy Breaky Heart” by Billy Ray Cyrus
The song that made the mullet legitimate for guys who didn’t play hockey. Billy Ray Cyrus punished our ears for an excruciating three minutes, twenty-three seconds, and America lost it. “Achy Breaky Heart” shot up to number 4 on the Billboard Hot 100 in 1992, thus ensuring that Mr. Cyrus would never have to work again. Line dancing swept the nation, and everyone thought they were cowboys. But no one seemed to notice that the lyrics were idiotic on a level that seemed unimaginable, the tune was summoned from the worst dregs of country music, and line dancing is a ridiculous human ritual. Not surprisingly, Cyrus didn’t have another hit after this because the American public smacked its collective forehead and refused to accept any more crap from him.
4. “Believe” by Cher
How many times has Cher given a farewell tour? Too many times, that’s how many. Ever since Sonny Bono died, Cher’s musical quality has been in the toilet. But when “Believe” was released in 1999, the world lost it. Because of this song, Cher is one of the best selling solo female artists of all time, but I’m sorry that this will be her legacy. God knows why, but it took six people to write this song. It’s techno! Moby can create an entire masterpiece with only his brain and a Mac, but to create trash like this, you need a small army. The instrumentation is nothing but annoying, and Cher seems to have lost all singing ability. To hear this song in a club is to know death.
5. “London Bridge” by Fergie
Ah yes. Fergie. Do the Black Eyed Peas really need her? Perhaps not, because she definitely doesn’t need them. Her solo album has been immensely successful, and the singles from it are still maintaining a stranglehold on the charts. But the masses are easily misled. What the general public sees as an insanely danceable track is actually one of the dirtiest songs ever written. Unfortunately, Fergie forgot the key element of writing dirty songs: make sure the innuendo you use is common knowledge. Instead, “London Bridge” is a mish-mash of lyrics that make absolutely no sense and a backing track that could have been made by a five year old with a drum kit. The bad news is, due to the financial success, this won’t be the last of songs along the same lines. God have mercy on us all.
1. “Good Morning Starshine” by Oliver
Released in 1969, this winner of a track made it all the way up to the number ten spot of the most popular singles for that year. If you ever wanted evidence that drugs do horrible things to your mind, look no further. Featuring lyrics like “Gliddy glub gloopy/Nibby nabby noopy/La la la lo lo/Sabba sibby sabba/Nooby abba nabba/Le le lo lo/Tooby ooby walla/Nooby abba naba/Early morning singing song,” the song almost makes you feel like an acid freak. The melody is junk, and the lead singer’s voice (presumably Oliver himself) is cheesy to a degree that puts Paul Anka to shame. And guess what? Your parents probably know all the words.
2. “You Light Up My Life” by Debby Boone
This song has been covered by everyone from Patti Smith to Robert Goulet. But it took Pat Boone’s daughter to really destroy our eardrums. Originally written as a love ballad, Boone turned the song into a declaration of her faith in God. Either way, it’s a piece of crap. The track is far too sappy to be taken seriously, and it feels brutally long at a mere three-and-a-half minutes. Here’s the kicker: it won an Academy Award for Best Original Song of 1977. I’m fairly certain that even the Academy is still scratching their heads on how they let this one slide through.
3. “Achy Breaky Heart” by Billy Ray Cyrus
The song that made the mullet legitimate for guys who didn’t play hockey. Billy Ray Cyrus punished our ears for an excruciating three minutes, twenty-three seconds, and America lost it. “Achy Breaky Heart” shot up to number 4 on the Billboard Hot 100 in 1992, thus ensuring that Mr. Cyrus would never have to work again. Line dancing swept the nation, and everyone thought they were cowboys. But no one seemed to notice that the lyrics were idiotic on a level that seemed unimaginable, the tune was summoned from the worst dregs of country music, and line dancing is a ridiculous human ritual. Not surprisingly, Cyrus didn’t have another hit after this because the American public smacked its collective forehead and refused to accept any more crap from him.
4. “Believe” by Cher
How many times has Cher given a farewell tour? Too many times, that’s how many. Ever since Sonny Bono died, Cher’s musical quality has been in the toilet. But when “Believe” was released in 1999, the world lost it. Because of this song, Cher is one of the best selling solo female artists of all time, but I’m sorry that this will be her legacy. God knows why, but it took six people to write this song. It’s techno! Moby can create an entire masterpiece with only his brain and a Mac, but to create trash like this, you need a small army. The instrumentation is nothing but annoying, and Cher seems to have lost all singing ability. To hear this song in a club is to know death.
5. “London Bridge” by Fergie
Ah yes. Fergie. Do the Black Eyed Peas really need her? Perhaps not, because she definitely doesn’t need them. Her solo album has been immensely successful, and the singles from it are still maintaining a stranglehold on the charts. But the masses are easily misled. What the general public sees as an insanely danceable track is actually one of the dirtiest songs ever written. Unfortunately, Fergie forgot the key element of writing dirty songs: make sure the innuendo you use is common knowledge. Instead, “London Bridge” is a mish-mash of lyrics that make absolutely no sense and a backing track that could have been made by a five year old with a drum kit. The bad news is, due to the financial success, this won’t be the last of songs along the same lines. God have mercy on us all.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Top Five Movies of 2007
1. "No Country For Old Men"
The Cohen brothers have once again struck gold with their take on Cormac McCarthy’s 2005 novel about the aftermath of a drug deal gone very, very wrong. Josh Brolin proves himself as the red-hot actor we all knew he was as Llewelyn Moss, the man who finds the $2 million with the drugs and bodies. Javier Bardem is the psychopathic Anton Chigurh who will stop at nothing to kill Moss and get the money back. A supporting cast of Woody Harrelson, Tommy Lee Jones and Kelly Macdonald ties the story into a perfect package. Featuring almost no score or music of any kind, “No Country For Old Men” is intense, bloody and very very dark. In short, it is the best movie of the year.
2. "Once"
A simple plot: boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl, boy and girl make beautiful music together. Taking place on the streets of Dublin, “Once” is beautiful in its simplicity. Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova not only play the leads, but they wrote and performed all the songs in the film. The songs they perform shine through their shy exteriors like a beacon. The guitar and piano melodies alongside deeply personal lyrics provide far more depth to the film than any dialogue ever could. A beauty of a film.
3. "Superbad"
Every once in a while, a movie comes along that works better than all others. “Superbad” is perhaps the best movie about life as a senior in high school since John Hughes owned the genre in the late ‘80s. It is incredibly profane while simultaneously heartwarming, an effect that seems to come standard for any film out of the Judd Apatow Machine. Jonah Hill and Michael Cera also win the award for best on-screen couple of 2007, proving that even when you’re searching for sex, nothing can replace true love (even if it’s between two guys).
4. "The Darjeeling Limited"
There was not a single person who was surprised at the quality of this movie. Director Wes Anderson has already established himself with such greats as “Rushmore” and “The Royal Tenenbaums,” and “The Darjeeling Limited” is yet another smash hit. Brothers Owen Wilson, Jason Schwartzman and Adrien Brody make the train trip across India in an attempt to reconnect with each other after they haven’t spoken for a year. The ensuing story is both hilarious and a tear-jerker. Also, short film “Hotel Chevalier” serves as a sort of prequel, and may be one of the best live-action shorts in recent memory.
5. "Juno"
Of the movies that were released at the end of 2007, “Juno” stood alone as the true great. Equal parts “Knocked Up” and “Little Miss Sunshine,” it tells of 16-year-old Juno and her pregnancy. Ellen Page is our leading lady, and her combination of innocence and maturity is of the caliber of actresses twice her age. Jason Bateman and Jennifer Garner are spectacular as the uber-yuppie couple who are set to adopt Juno’s baby, and Michael Cera (the only actor to appear twice on this list) is perfect as the boy who gets her pregnant. It’s sweet, smart and beautifully done.
The Cohen brothers have once again struck gold with their take on Cormac McCarthy’s 2005 novel about the aftermath of a drug deal gone very, very wrong. Josh Brolin proves himself as the red-hot actor we all knew he was as Llewelyn Moss, the man who finds the $2 million with the drugs and bodies. Javier Bardem is the psychopathic Anton Chigurh who will stop at nothing to kill Moss and get the money back. A supporting cast of Woody Harrelson, Tommy Lee Jones and Kelly Macdonald ties the story into a perfect package. Featuring almost no score or music of any kind, “No Country For Old Men” is intense, bloody and very very dark. In short, it is the best movie of the year.
2. "Once"
A simple plot: boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl, boy and girl make beautiful music together. Taking place on the streets of Dublin, “Once” is beautiful in its simplicity. Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova not only play the leads, but they wrote and performed all the songs in the film. The songs they perform shine through their shy exteriors like a beacon. The guitar and piano melodies alongside deeply personal lyrics provide far more depth to the film than any dialogue ever could. A beauty of a film.
3. "Superbad"
Every once in a while, a movie comes along that works better than all others. “Superbad” is perhaps the best movie about life as a senior in high school since John Hughes owned the genre in the late ‘80s. It is incredibly profane while simultaneously heartwarming, an effect that seems to come standard for any film out of the Judd Apatow Machine. Jonah Hill and Michael Cera also win the award for best on-screen couple of 2007, proving that even when you’re searching for sex, nothing can replace true love (even if it’s between two guys).
4. "The Darjeeling Limited"
There was not a single person who was surprised at the quality of this movie. Director Wes Anderson has already established himself with such greats as “Rushmore” and “The Royal Tenenbaums,” and “The Darjeeling Limited” is yet another smash hit. Brothers Owen Wilson, Jason Schwartzman and Adrien Brody make the train trip across India in an attempt to reconnect with each other after they haven’t spoken for a year. The ensuing story is both hilarious and a tear-jerker. Also, short film “Hotel Chevalier” serves as a sort of prequel, and may be one of the best live-action shorts in recent memory.
5. "Juno"
Of the movies that were released at the end of 2007, “Juno” stood alone as the true great. Equal parts “Knocked Up” and “Little Miss Sunshine,” it tells of 16-year-old Juno and her pregnancy. Ellen Page is our leading lady, and her combination of innocence and maturity is of the caliber of actresses twice her age. Jason Bateman and Jennifer Garner are spectacular as the uber-yuppie couple who are set to adopt Juno’s baby, and Michael Cera (the only actor to appear twice on this list) is perfect as the boy who gets her pregnant. It’s sweet, smart and beautifully done.
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